All the hustle and bustle has calmed down now, atleast the holiday hustle and bustle. But if you know me personally, my life is LITERALLY hustle and bustle. Day in and Day out, I am always working on something!
Having said that, Valentine’s Day weekend I was really careful to consider every decision I was making. When you’re going through a journey where everything is likely a new FIRST, being hasty can end up being RECKLESS and being reckless can lead to REGRETS.
Reality is that you don't get a REDO on First!
So how did I choose Me and remember my babe at the same time??
First thing was ALL GOD!! I was ready for my hair to get restyled. But in alignment with my POOR habit of not booking my hair appts far enough in advance, I took (Carla did) down my hair with no appointment scheduled. Knowing GOOD AND WELL what the weekend was. SMH!
BUT GOD… On Wednesday the app sent me a notification for an opening for a silk press on FRIDAY. Tell me that's not divine intervention!! I booked that IMMEDIATELY. Truthfully I wanted braids because hair maintenance is kinda low on my priority list. As I ponder on this moment, I'm reminded of what J liked. He was so loving and gracious in his speech. If my hair was looking HIT he would say,
“ So when is your next hair appointment scheduled”
or If i considered a different style or asked him for feedback he would say
“I like your hair down”.
The Lord sent me to the salon to get styled like my hubby would have liked.
I am bourgeois(aka boujee) about my hands. One of my favorite things to do was get a mani-pedi then come home and hold up my hands and feet so J could see them. After my hair appointment, I went straight to the nail shop to reserve a spot, leave for food and come back. Like many ladies I have a preferred tech for my hands. MHMM im not the only one. Well when i returned my tech somehow overlooked me and i would have had to wait even longer.
My allegiance to completing a task in alignment with the V Day mood tried to pressure me into a longer time commitment than I had space to give.
The shop is already packed with ladies prepping for weekend dates. I truly didn't NEED my nails done in the moment. I had room to come back.Clearly I didn't have a HOT DATE! I opted to come back later. Less crowd, less rush and there was a project at home that my hustle bustle heart wanted to work on. So I opted to head home and spend time working in the house. Thankfully the satisfaction for the day peaked with starting my wall project.
Sunday after church I walked in the nail shop, sat right down and got the VIP treatment while having an amazing chat with my sis! Happy Sunday to me right!
I need a spot! Yall already KNOW I can’t commit to the 3 hour trips and allegiance to the graveside anymore. The likelihood of me being out of place is too high. I will say, I'm proud that I have grown past that need.
It's a big step and the reality is that Jerold isn’t there! It's just a last common denominator for us.
This is true for many of us experiencing this type of loss.
BUT… there is a spot!! I was actually hard pressed for J’s service to be there, but for reasons….. It didn't work out. I think God truly intended for this location to be my “Remember J” safe space. SO, I officially have a SPOT lol.
I’m so grateful. Its in my county. It’s beautiful, open, sunny, has a water view and connects with a fond last memory with my love. Its PERFECT! I’ll have to dedicate a whole blog to The Spot
So, I spent my Valentine's Day Sunday sunbathing, looking through BAE pics, making space for all my emotions to flow freely!!
It was a beautiful day, 100% a Love Day.
Seeing God’s Love For Me
Making Space for Me to Love Me
Reflecting on J’s Amazing Love For Me
I Love you BIG 🧡