My Widow Twin

Updated: 5 days ago

As October comes to a close I’m reflecting on how many special days there were but particularly October 11.


Like to hear, here it  go!


So the night before our entourage changed from Me, Mom,Granny and auntie babies to Me, Mom,Dad and Granny. I thought this was the perfect dynamic shift. I wasn’t expecting my father but my heart knew that this day was big for more loved ones than just me.


While the days leading up to this one got easier and easier I could tell that it could be really tender for my parents. Clearly they had lost the best son in love ever. Jerold was a dream come true for them too.


Memories on Purpose 


That morning we got up, we got dressed and headed towards the mountain. 90 minute ride one way. My energy is usually on 100 but I realize that they may not be able to rock with the 100 energy. I asked questions internally….

  • Are you on 100 because you want or you acting to keep everyone ok?

  • If my energy wasn’t on 100 would they be alarmed?

  • What kind of atmosphere did I need to set for them to have a positive memory around this day?


I remembered some of the things that Carla did to be helpful on October 11 last year. I was thinking let’s play some old-school music that we all can connect to. I immediately thought of the live album the full Gospel Baptist Church Fellowship from when I was a kid. That was a fond memory. Unfortunately the search was very very hard but we did find music attached to Bishop Paul S Morton‘s name. Particularly ”Your Tears”. If you recall anything about this song you will know how absolutely perfect it was for this moment and this right . While we collectively fighting back tears , God was ministering to us that He would wipe them for us!  It’s still work to unmask and express these emotions. This was a day that emotions could be super BIG! 


At the Mountain Top


When we arrived to Canton we stopped for a couple of important purchases. Orange flower arrangements and of course carrot cake. Publix is so special to me. . We packed up back up in the car and headed for the mountaintop .


The ride was a little bit quiet. I can tell that we were all preparing ourselves for this moment. To visit the ground where we planted the shell of something very valuable. 


We parked, got out and stood at the curb taking our time to carefully arrange our flowers to place at his memorial. At that moment I was holding it together because I wanted them to be held together. We finished our arrangement and began walking the rows and rows of veterans who have served our country. We came to Jerolds memorial,placed the flowers in the holder. We stood, we looked and we were quiet.


Meeting the Neighbors


Another family of three arrived and we’re walking up our rows looking for their loved one. They passed us and then looked back. I said are you our neighbors? The gentleman came and looked and said “why yes we are”. The gentleman who is memorial was next to Jerold‘s family had come to visit his burial site that day as well. 


We had such a beautiful exchange. Two widows sat on the ground remembering their husbands and reflecting on the heart and hurt that the past year had brought. That mother, daughter and son in law were from Athens. Of course God would send Georgia bulldog fans to top off the day. We even talked about Jerold middle name REALLY being Chubaca 😆😆


How much more perfect of a set up was this. How better orchestrated could it have been me. We shared about some of the hard things and of course i shared the things that have helped me heal through this last year. It was an absolute pleasure being in that moment together. It felt like we didn’t really want to leave each other‘s presence, sitting on the ground by the headstones. We had a special connection in that moment on October 11, 2022.  I’ll forever be grateful. 


It was really dope to remember my babe, support my people and meet the neighbors.


Hopefully I’ll see my widow sister next year. Same place. Same time! 


Thank y’all for rocking with me on this journey. It’s been something but we made it.  


Share this with someone who needs to know her journey may be hard but she’s #gracedforthis


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