What up y'all. It's officially October!! IYKYK.
Like to hear it, Here it GO.
What you need to know is that my hubby passed away in October of 2021. 10/11/21 to be exact. An interesting plot twist here is that I believe he passed on 10/10/21. I believe he left while I was beside him. I believe my voice and his were one of the last ones he heard.
Deep breaths. 😮💨But that's a story for another day.
Nevertheless October is here and I MADE IT THIS FAR!! Glory to God.
It feels strange but I genuinely want to celebrate. I want to talk about J. Not in a morbid kind of way but an honorable one and reflective one. The considerate person in me thinks, well everyone else might not be able to handle that. Then fiery chick living in me says, i don't care about who's uncomfortable , we talking about JEROLD!
It also feels like, sis, “Don't get too big with it and not be able to follow through.” That's a new thing for me to manage. Wanting to give the most but not having the capacity for most or knowing my emotional capacity.
Same OG/ Ole G
I feel strong
I have always been a tough one. After working through or starting to work through the old me and the new. Not only am I strong,I'm stronger. In all the best ways. Strong enough to say I'm hurt, strong enough to cry and not hide, strong enough to be weak and move forward in God's strength. Strong enough to know my strength has never been enough and to be ok with that.
I have words.
I will admit.. I'm kind of a mouth almighty type. I have never had a problem speaking up. This more than having conversations, it's having words about the HARD THINGS. Having words about the vulnerable things that HURT. Even more, having words and knowing when to keep them to myself. :-P
I have plans
I never not have plans. HA. Even if the plan is to do nothing. I'm rocking with that. The planner in me wants to mark EVERY occasion. I want to make memories. I don't like letting moments just pass by. I want to have a family huddle at the graveside. I want everyone to record a video and submit about J. I want to recognize someone in the community that he would have liked to recognize and support. I like planning! For me it is an expression of love, an expression of honor and an expression of appreciation.
In retrospect, I I hope I did well at this in real time with J. I hope on hard days he knew. I hope on irritated days he knew. I hope he knew that even in his absence I would celebrate him.
SO… It's OCTOBER. I feel STRONG. I have WORDS. I have PLANS. Whether or not all three happen simultaneously. We will see :-p Same Ol G with a wellness plot twist!
I love you big 🌺🌺🌺
ORANGE EVERYTHING FOR EVERYBODY🧡🟠💥🍁