You want to talk about a roller coaster!
This past week was a combination of strengths and weaknesses! There was repeat trauma, manifested triggers, big honest emotions and growth through grief. Wellness work was on 3000 and the use of the word WORK is an understatement. Like to hear it, here it go!
Work -noun activity involving mental or physical effort
done in order to achieve a purpose or result.
Lets start with this TRAUMA!! Leaks, Leaks, LEAKS. Our home had a type of pype that epxeriences degradation internally thats not evident until a wet drip and flood shows up in your house. We started dealing with a leak in the room that was most recently remodeled in our home. FIASCO. Water sprayed from a pipe that impact 2 rooms in our basement. This was while everything had slowed down due to COVID. THis process was LONG and arduous to even start, and in the midst of trying to put our home back together Jerold passed.
I was left to handle this project alone. I was literally begging for someone to help. I wanted somebody else to just FIX IT. The help i wanted never came but just after the Jerold Bday, Nov 12, the final part of the reno was completed. Carpet was laid and it was finished! It was probably the biggest accomplishment of all i have done in the past year because this had such big emotions attached to it. It was something that J and I started together but couldnt finish together. Needless to say, a leak coming back in the SAME SPOT that started this entire process was a LOT.
Triggers are real and im starting to see what mine are. I moved forward with getting the ENTIRE HOUSE REPIPED!! Yep whole house. That was the easy part of the process. Trigger- walking down starts and see ceiling tiles, out of place, furniture not properly positioned, wholes in walls. NO DEAL. The plumbers finished onFriday and Saturday AM i was in tears. I have been nice, neat and orderly all of my life. THis have to be in place, presentation needs to be on point, etc. My eyes see when the lines in the carpet change directions. SO image the distress and NOT being able to just gracefully put the things back in position.
The symbolism in this is HUGE. Imagine Kenitra is the house, and there has been a faulty, problematic part of me for years thats starting show up. God says no more patch work. I’m taking all of that out and replacing it. Icing on the cake…. He says dont worry about how much it costs, I'm paying for it anyway! SO yeah i was definitely triggered but Gods working something in me and my house(both of them).
Trigger- Walking back into an empty house on Valentines day. Not even sure i can blame valentines day, but my babes absence was so evident that day it was depleting. I woke up with all the energy, go getter, boss status. 6a-12p was on it. Made myself leave the house for food. I felt the emotions rising packing up to leave for that zaxbys run! When i came back to the house i felt gloomy, heavy void that fully acknowledged the only one i wanted …was not! I’m not sure what in my eyes changed but it triggering that day! I spent much of that evening on the sofa sleep with L&O on :-P
In the midst of all this there are definitely WINS
That saturday morning after allowing myself to cry and feel those emotions i was able to identity why i was triggered, where the disruption came from and give myself room to feel that way.
Valentines day was a challenge but i didnt throw the entire day away. I didnt just sleep, i rested and woke with some energy and care for others. My sister and I sat, chatted and had pie and ice cream. Way to recover.
I still had a date for VDay. Yep I dressed myself right on up nice and neat and took myself to Olive Garden for my fave…CHicken Parm w/ Angel Hair. That angel hair is a must!
Have good honest therapy time. My therapist is amazing and i am blessed to have sought and found mine with ease. God knew!
I have learning things about myself, I am seeing things that require adjustments and instead of being angry or accusatory towards myself i apply grace and am swift to forgive. Its the best gift i have learned to give myself.
So Trauma, Triggers and Triumph was my Valentines Day No Bae 2.0. I am blessed and i am #GracedForTHis.
Thank you for sticking with me and I LOVE YALL BIG!!
There are a couple of things I want to share with you!! Join me in the community!
Wellness Works Summit HYBRID
Wellness Works Summit HYBRID