What Does A Widow FAIL Look Like?

Have you ever had one of those days when you wake up and all is well in the world? You're moving through your morning moments with ease. THEN you look for something essential and straightforward, I haven't checked for it in months, but at a glance, it's not where it's supposed to be.

We took a beautiful trip to The Biltmore for our 2nd wedding anniversary.

Well, that was my day on 2/9/22. I wanted to change my cover photo on FB, and I had a specific picture with J in mind. We took a beautiful trip to The Biltmore for our 2nd wedding anniversary. We took a ton of pictures! Unfortunately, I didn't see them in my photos. There was an entire shared album, but the album was empty. BLACK. NOTHING. I got out of my bed, looking through the house for J's phone.

The only thought I had was. I need those pictures. Where are the images? Did I delete them? I need them back. OMG! What if I can't get them back. Somehow walking in the black dark of our basement, I came across his phone. I went straight to shared albums…. BLACK. Nothing. No pictures. U G L Y Cry!!!

UGLY Cry Commence...

I have no idea how I didn't end up on the floor. I am naturally a determined person. I needed to know that I hadn't FAILED as a wife and widow by; deleting the pictures from a milestone moment that I could never get back pushed me right up the steps and to Js laptop. (Embrace that run-on sentence because thats EXACTLY who it felt.) No breaths in between. Can you say SPIRALING!! I don't do well with not doing things right, literally almost always perfect. This moment was echoing a narrative in my head "What did you do, what did you do, what did you do, fix it, find it, NOW."

Everything came to a screeching halt!

JJ's phone died, and his laptop is kind of complicated. Finally, everything came to a screeching halt! I felt myself actually take a breath! In hindsight, I am really grateful for that moment. I had not taken the time to leisurely go through his laptop. This crisis I was having pushed me to a place that could bring me comfort and joy in remembering who J was.

Pictures or no pictures, I have 10 years of memories that no one and nothing can ever take away from me. It is easy to cling to a natural thing as a reminder, but it's not the only thing I have.

This moment taught me to remember him in my HEART.

This moment taught me to remember him in my HEART, place him in my MIND, remember him in the SPECIAL MOMENTS we shared!

This morning, in particular, was WHOA, but I'm better because of it. The hustle and bustle of chasing things are exhausting. But, being still and taking a moment to remember and reflect will ALWAYS serve me and my heart for him.

That last sentence also reflects my relationship with God. Being still and taking a moment to remember and reflect will ALWAYS serve me and my heart for Him.

I made it through that moment. Shout out to me!! *Takes a bow*. Now shout out to you for coming on this journey with me!

Here's the picture I was hunting!!

I Love you BIG 🧡