Hey My SoJourners. Are yall still rocking with me for the 3 day saga of the anniversary climax! That sounds so dramatic, but each of our lives is a story. We may not notice it while it's happening but hindsight….. We have some stories to tell.
Like to hear, here it go.
In the last blog I shared that Sunday finished strong!! Boy was that a relief. Each day comes with its own set of challenges and Monday had its battles for sure.
Everything in the house woke up and was moving before me. That doesn't mean i wasn't awake but I wasn't moving yet, as in, out of the bed. I was definitely up on SM scrolling. An extra 4 people in your house can drive your day…. Right out of your control. LOL. I think the biggest work for me was setting my pace each day. Making room to feel each day. Not feeling pressured to meet others expectations each day. Monday was a WORK day. Kenitra Work! Quieting yourself when everything is moving around you. Making decisions with regard for yourself first. Choosing to serve others without being a martyr. I stayed in bed a little bittle longer that day. Reflecting on Columbus Day 2021. The holiday that Jerold passed on. Thinking that this hospital visit will yield the same results it always did….. Going back home together. Instead the family convened at the hospital. All in shock. Very much overwhelmed that our reality was just that, our reality. It played in my mind like a movie, clear as day.
It played in my mind like a movie, clear as day. Columbus Day But this morning I had an overwhelming reminder especially from Jerold. If you follow me on SM I often speak of his love for music. Especially love music. His songs and playlist have carried me through this past year. Well one his faves met me scrolling on IG that morning. IMMEDIATELY the tears came and of course it went on repeat. It was almost like we were singing to each other. As a reflex I want to play it now, with tears coming down my face, but if i do it will be the end of this blog. #pushthrough. The Song Of The Day (SOTD) - Yebba -Distance. It tells a story of lovers now apart reflecting back on moments and memories of their love. Love transcending space and time. Love still being able to cover one another. What a perfect song for that day!
From the bed I rose, after that good long cry with the perfect Jerold song ☺️. The day began with MOVEMENT. THe only thing i clear on was i was going to Canton and since it was a holiday, no biggie. My first tug of war was what to wear. Of course it's all about Jerold so surely I should wear orange. BUT i wasn't feeling orange i was feeling the Navy and earth tone cover all look. I liked it and it was comfy but it wasn't orange and Jerolds face was orange. Then I had a gentle come to Jesus moment with myself. Kenitra, what do you want to wear?!?!? What makes you feel pretty? What do you like? Swing Dress with the coverall it was. Sorry i don't have a full length pic but i was CUTE!! Okaaaay.
Tug of War
That wasn't the only tug of war I had to have. The only thing I had committed to was going to Canton. By the time I was ready and the people( family) were kind of calm it was knocking on noon. Remember Canton( GA National Cemetery) is 90min one way from home. But i didn't want to leave aunties babies but i SAID i was going to Canton! I agreed to movie time until noon. When noon arrived I gave myself another 30 min, lol. WHY because i love my family and ENCANTO is a great family movie!! Out of allegiance to my plan, at 12:30 I collected Auntie hugs and hopped in the car. Gas tank on E! SN- Pumping gas is GHETTO. So towards the gas station I go, with a bit of rumbling in my tummy. The line at the gas station is LONG and that rumbling is growing!! Before i leave the gas station it's CLEAR that i'm going to go back home for a potty break! THen an epiphany was HAD!!! The 2nd best epiphany I could have had that day.
The day ended so beautifully. Me choosing myself first while still soaking up as much of the family time i could. A visit to our county veterans memorial park was a perfect mashup of what we all needed. My ALLEGIANCE to Jerold doesn't trump my desires in real time.
Making new memories.
Reflecting fondly on loved ones gone.
My love for Jerold doesn't trump my allegiance to caring for myself.
Monday - Indigenous People Day 2022 was a perfect day.
Shoutout to Carla Jerold Inspired Jerk Meal for sending me back home to the potty or should i say family PARTY!! :-P
I love yall BIG. We are on this journey together. Day by day. Next week DAY 3.
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